Friday, 17 April 2015

Mr Rodri's Opinion

I got a cold call from a nice young lady from India. She Assured me that she wasn't going to sell me anything and that all she wanted was my opinion. I fancied a bit of a break so I decided to treat her to the full range of stalling tactics.

The first thing she wanted was to confirm my details, so of course I made sure that I gave her the wrong address.

Her next mistake was to ask me how I was doing. So started to tell her that I've been stressed at work and feeling a bit anxious. To be fair I wasn't feeling that creative and didn't keep it going for long. Next time I get asked how I am I'll make up some sort of debilitating illness.

After she got over the awkwardness of me actually telling her how I was feeling she wanted to know my occupation. I started heading down the embarrassing job line. I told her that I was embarrassed to tell her my occupation. I was working up to telling her that I was a fluffer, but before I could get to the punchline. My daughter came in the room and wanted to know who I was on the phone to.

We were on speaker so I let Christina have a conversation with her. Then there was a bit of a struggle as Christina and I fought over the phone.

We moved onto some boring questions about pension providers and I had some fun with phonetics.

P for pneumatic? Wait, that's confusing isn't it? P for Phase.

I got upset because I thought she was trying to sell me something and then I decided to give her my opinions about how we should strip the banks of the power to create money.

She asked me about my lunch so I was able to tell her about the great noodle soup my daughter had made and offered to give her the recipe,

Finally she gave up and got her supervisor on the line and the process started all over again.

I do wonder how much a 20 minute call from India costs them?


Friday, 20 March 2015

When Harry Met Mr Rodri

I was working from home today and got a cold call from a chap called Harry. Harry assured me that he didn't want to sell me anything and would only need a few minutes of my time.

So I gave him my time and a load of lies.

I told him I was a 75 year old unemployed burglar, squatting in a vacant house. I steal all the utilities off the neighbors. When I need a mobile phone I just nick one I drive a stolen Porsche and keep a pot bellied  Vietnamese pig in my Garden.

You have to hand it to Harry he had his eye on the prize. I suspect that all he really wanted to do was keep talking for as long as possible and get through as many questions as possible before I hung up.

I don't understand how any business that uses these services can ever get any useful information out of it. Even if they manage to find someone willing to endure it, the callers are more interested in getting to the end of the call that getting the right answers.

The recording is kind of long and boring. But its difficult to make these types of call fun when they don't want to listen and talk over you.